How to Spot a Pedophile 60 comments

[Sticky’s note:  In my opinion this is the best user-submitted post ever.  Had me smiling from the beginning and busting out laughter at the end.  And as best as I could see, not a single damn typo in the whole piece.  Congratulations, great writing!]

Hello Children,

Once upon a time the internet was a safe place, and all children had to fear was strange men in playgrounds, hanging outside schools, catholic priests, and anyone who offered you sweets or promised to show you their ‘puppy’. However … there are many types of pedophiles, and most of those pedophiles have acquired internet access in order to pursue their perverse activities with even greater ease.

I will demonstrate the different disguises and means these sick but cunning bastards use in order to to snare their loli’s and shotas.

The Classic Pedophile

This young man is clearly a pedophile:


Note: The suspicious glasses, which he has also given to his victim (sitting next to him, yes an 11 year old girl) in order to buy her into bed.
Also Note: The scary look of determination on his face which suggests that the person taking the photo is also a kiddie he desperately wants to fiddle.

I must also add his name is Milo (which automatically makes him a pedophile regardless of any contradictory evidence).

Another example is the Metal/Scene Man

This predator is regarded as extremely ruthless and internet savvy. They are highly unashamed in their crimes and have no qualms with breaking statutory rape laws or even getting involved in voyeuristic sleep-rape escapades. You can spot them by lurking their Facebook/Myspace/etc where they will have thousands of lolis added, and will leave comments such as ‘Show me ur n00dz bebe xo’.

Fat Men

Because (as I’ve mentioned in previous posts) anyone over 120 pounds should be shot on site (or more humanly, sent to the death camps) due to the fact they are an unbearable sight to the attractive human eye, fat men just have to resort to the most accessible and horniest supply of sexually desperate women around … insecure teenage girls. These online predators may not be easy to spot at first due to the fact they will most definitely be using a 20 year old picture from their ‘thinner days’ … you can easily access them on sites like ‘Teen Chat’ or ‘Omegal’.

A plus side is that you can generally get alcohol, McDonalds and free Condoms off them before Chris Hansen removes them from your property.

Gay Men

All Gay Men are pedophiles, even Jesus said so (Hitler, the extremely good judge of character that he was, also supported this theory).  No explanation needed.

Women

All women are pedophiles and sexual predators, Hitler and Jesus also believed this, and their hypothesis was supported by a report from Childline UK which confirmed that this year reports in Female Abusers more than doubled. Mummy No!

Hybrids

Fat, Gay-Looking, Men in Bands (who have the stolen hair of Asian Women) … are the most feared predators of all … BEWARE any lunatic that looks like this, they will most likely take you down a dark alley (after their gig) and rape you every way possible, and then add you on Facebook afterwards to tag themselves in your fan photos (but only if you’re under 15 and relatively ugly).

In conclusion, GTFO the internet, and watch your back on the way to school, pedophiles can be everywhere and anywhere, but these new breeds are most likely to congregate in Internet Cafes, Prisons and at their Home PC’s.

If you wish to find more info on how to establish whether someone is a pedophile, watch this video:

Brass Eye: Paedo-geddon Special.

Have a nice day at School and do your homework so your teacher doesn’t get angry and rape you.


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10 comments

Jesus take the wheel, July 20, 2010

This wasn’t even funny. I am disappointed. There were plenty of typos and other errors too. “Loli’s” with an apostrophe shows possession, not plurality for example. It makes me sad that this is considered decent writing. Everyone on this site is still a teenager, although that’s not even a decent excuse since teens should have the basics of grammar down.

Anonymous, July 20, 2010

lulz. trollz for the win.

Lambda, July 21, 2010

Dear Stickydrama users
All that was done here is take random pics from the internet and write about them. this was not funny
actually it was the opposite of funny. no offense people who thought this was funny, it was not it was a cavalcade of awful stuck up lies.
– your friend lambda

Anonymous, July 23, 2010

[img]http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_170/1185844728SVw3Es.jpg[/img]

Anonymous, July 23, 2010
Anonymous, July 23, 2010

forgot someone

VigilanteJustice, January 18, 2017

straight up trash

Jacketjuu, June 3, 2020

u. s chicks never Like You

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